Grass roots conservative campaigners have hailed the Government’s announcement to bring back National service as a victory for common sense, one that will finally herald a welcome return to how things used to be.
The news comes after the Conservatives failed to pass a law to “String them all up” blaming meddling from Europe and red tape within the Human Rights Act. However bringing back National service has long been seen as a way to take Britain’s youth back to the 1950s where there was no crime and people used to whistle more.
One conservative activist told us that the move should result in a generation of youth with shiny shoes who having bucked their ideas up would hopefully then become life-long conservative voters, and on becoming older, more bitter and more twisted, would then end up sitting in conservative clubs moaning about the fact that young people don’t have any respect anymore and how the Government should bring back National Service.
Home Secretary Theresa May said “Young people need to be shouted at and made to perform a series of pointless tasks a bit like the apprentice. It’s about time they had a taste of discipline. It’ll let them know what side their bread is buttered.”
The rules will apply for all citizens aged 16 to 29 though anyone who earns over 40k, votes conservative already or has rich parents will be exempt. The move is also likely to provide several thousand new jobs for shouty men with handlebar moustaches..