Islamic State have refused to confirm or deny that they are responsible for the sudden disappearance of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian as concern grows for their whereabouts, neither having appeared on any form of media for a matter of hours.
One eye witness told us “I saw two people bundled into a car by masked men. It wasn’t Kanye and Kim. I was watching an old episode of Starsky and Hutch. But something like that could well have happened to them in real life”.
Fellow VIP and tortoise like crooner Pharrell Williams said that should his friend have indeed been kidnapped by IS then he probably wouldn’t want to be treated like a normal hostage.
“They won’t appreciate Islamic State hospitality. For a start neither wipe their own arses after taking a shit. They’re just used to shouting ‘Finished!’ and waiting for a servant to come rushing over with loo roll. Islamic State fighters won’t be inclined to do that for them. And if they do then they probably won’t do a proper job.” he explained.
A spokesman for the FBI told us that it was too early to ascertain exactly what may have happened.
“They’ve not been on twitter or instagram for over 2 hours. It may just mean that their internet is down. Or they might be having a nap. If not, then it could mean they just haven’t gone on the internet. And if that’s the case then we can only assume they’ve been kidnapped. And that Islamic State are always kidnapping people.
“And if they have then we need to put all our resources into finding a new egotistical singer with a wife famous for having a comedy sized arse.”