Revealed! Morrissey’s secret processed meat wonderland.

morrissey processed meat

Former Smiths front man Morrissey is said to be unavailable for comment following revelations that his LA mansion actually hides a private theme park dedicated to all forms of processed meat.

Former Smiths bandmate Johnny Marr told us “Publicly he’s been a vegetarian for many years. Privately he loves a Big Mac or a chopped and shaped chicken kiev. Obviously his livelihood as an uber judgemental veggie crooner is at stake if he gets seen in a McDonalds or Burger King so he has private branches of both in his extensive gardens purely for his own disposal.”

After initially agreeing to have his mansion scrutinised on the American celebrity life style programme ‘Cribs’ the singer is thought to have taken an injunction out against the show having been suddenly advised to do so by his lawyers.

A show insider told us “He was proud as shit of his bathroom suite constructed entirely from economy burgers, and he’s spent a fortune on his kitchen tiles made from caged hens. Obviously we’re disappointed at his change of heart because at the time he was prancing round his pork schitzel themed walk in wardrobe like johnny big potatoes. But you can understand his predicament. He’s been preaching at his fans to stop eating meat pies for years. And imagine their anger when they find out that it’s all just a ploy so he can eat them all himself.”

A spokesman for Morrissey’s management team told us that they were unwilling to comment on his private affairs.

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