Rolf Harris to paint his defence

Rolf Harris has today begun his defence against charges of indecent assault by way of puffing, panting and playing the wobble board whilst simultaneously painting a 24 foot high mural, an action that he says will prove him innocent of all charges.

One juror told us of his surprise that instead of cross examining the witness, Mr Harris’s defence counsel merely brought in a large screen and a number of pots of paint.

“It’s certainly an unusual method of defence. But I suppose as Mr Harris has said, we’ll have to wait and see what it is. At the moment it just seems to be lots of blotches of paint, but if it turns out to be a cast iron alibi then we might have to find him innocent. If it turns out to be a picture of a kookaburra or the Queen then the jury will probably be out. ”

Trial Judge Mr Justice Sweeney has warned Mr Harris to stick to painting solid evidence and nothing abstract. “A picture of an emu however good does not prove innocence. And I must ask Mr Harris not to sing any songs.”

In a recent similar trial former radio one disc jockey Dave Lee Travis gained an aquittal by telling the jury what time it was, what the weather was like and how busy the traffic was, before playing the latest Status Quo single.