Fury as bear ham found to contain virtually no bear

The food industry is today facing another crisis as reports come in that the much loved ‘bear ham’ in the deli section of supermarkets may sadly contain little or no actual bear.

Richard Lloyd, executive director of Which?, called for more effective use of resources and tougher penalties.

“No one wants to see another incident like the horse meat scandal happen again and the rigorous enforcement of standards underpinned by effective levels of food testing is essential for restoring consumers’ trust in this industry” he said whilst brandishing the latest edition of the newly published ‘Which Bear Ham?’

A spokesman for the National Association of People Who Buy Any Old Shit  From Supermarkets (NAOPWBAOSFS) told us “This is just another case of the public being misled. Alright, we realise at the prices they charge we can’t expect to have a real bear’s face cut into wafer thin slices, but surely the chopped and shaped mixture could contain bear. Even if it’s mechanically recovered bear.”

A spokesman for the National Association of Bear Farmers told us “All our bears are free range. In fact they’re so free range that they keep escaping, which is why we choose not to own any in the first place.”

Vegetarian bear ham is thought to be unaffected by the scandal as it is made from the faces of Pandas, which are vegetarian bears.