Theresa May has today promised that a post Brexit Government will take Britain back to simpler times when dog poo was white and you could find some on almost every residential street. “We need to return Britain to a bygone era where everyone wakes up to a bowl of frosted sugar smacked winnits and walks to work or school safe in the knowledge that they might nearly tread on some white dog poo.”
In her speech the Prime Minister also warned that there would be no free rides for dogs and their owners who were not prepared to participate in the scheme. “Dogs are not going to be able to expect regular walkies and a bowl of chum if they can’t be bothered to shit the right colour. We have to end the something for nothing culture.”
Nigel Farage has argued that the Conservative party are simply stealing a long standing UKIP policy and has warned Mr Cameron that the public will see through it. “It’s quite clearly a UKIP policy. As I’ve long been saying, the decline in lighter hews of dog faeces is the direct result of an influx of those hairy little dogs that they have in France.”
Labour who abolished white dog poo in the late 1970s just before Margaret Thatcher seized power in a landslide victory have condemned the scheme as ‘window dressing’ and leader Jeremy Corbyn urged a new type of politics where the public couldn’t be hoodwinked by the misleading offers of albino dog sticks.
“We would urge the Prime Minister not to look back at life in the 1970s with white dog poo tinted glasses” he told us.