Nigel Farage is very cross that Prime Minister Theresa May won’t adopt a points based immigration system. But what would Britain look like if Nigel were to award points to immigrants? Try this simple test to see if you would get in.
- Are you an immigrant? a) Yes b) No
- Do you look like an immigrant? a) Yes b) No
- Were your parents immigrants? a) Yes b) No
- Have you already cancelled your application for immigration and built a wall around yourself which you have already paid for? a) Yes b) No
- Would you be willing to forego your job as an astrophysicist to give it to an unqualified British resident who would then go on the sick and still manage to blame foreigners when he was eventually sacked? a) Yes b) No
- Have you come here to a) Enrich a melting pot of culture with your own forms of cuisine, entertainment and fashion b) Watch X-Factor and drone on about it incessantly as if it’s really important and generally just sit around in your pants.
Mainly As? You get no points whatsoever Johnny Foreigner. Thinking that you can just cycle over the channel with a garland of onions round your neck, speaking Urdu and somehow settle down in Surrey where you’ll live in a giant taco? We didn’t win 2 world wars with your help just so you can take as up on our offer of being an inclusive and tolerant society. You must think we’re a soft touch.
Mainly Bs? You can stay for a bit but just watch it. Work on the accent and try not to take anyone’s job or benefits and you’re in, or at least until the Daily Mail start struggling for a new story. You’re not gay are you?