Paul Golding makes new years honours list

Paul Golding, leader of popular goose-stepping movement Britain First has been included in this year’s honours list for services to keeping Britain racist. A government spokesman said “We can confirm that we will be offering a Lordship, a knighthood or an OBE or something to Mr Paul Golding for services to keep Britain extra Britishy […]

The Sun “Migrating moles must get back underground”

The Sun newspaper has devoted its front page this morning to the news that many moles are considering abandoning their life underground and looking to start a new life on the earth’s surface. In an abrupt editorial Editor Tony Gallagher said “If we let them up here we pave the way for ferrets, badgers and all […]

Britain First to defend Falklands

Britain First are set to travel to the Falkland Islands to help defend against any threat from Argentina, according to Defence secretary Philip Hammond, who today unveiled a series of measures to bolster the British armed forces without spending any money. Speaking to a heaving press conference Mr Hammond said “They’ve got uniforms, they like […]

Public thank Britain First for winning world war one

The British public have come together as one to thank BNP splinter group Britain First who according to their social media posts appear to have won World War One. One adoring fan told us “They’re my heroes. You won’t find them travelling and learning about new cultures because they’re too busy protecting Britain.. But they […]

Controversy as all new cars built to face Mecca

Far right movements such as the BNP, Britain First and UKIP are considering a joint protest today following a leaked memo that all new cars manufactured in Britain are now designed to face Mecca. A spokesman for the Honda factory in Swindon explained that the change in production had not been universally popular but their […]

Shock as Britain First realise we fought against the far right in world war 2

BNP style foreigner blamers Britain First are said to have called an emergency meeting this morning as it emerged that one senior member was yesterday informed by a veteran that in World War 2, Britain actually fought against the far right. One shocked activist said “You mean we co-operated with very large number of different […]

Romanian family move into Nigel Farage’s arse

UKIP leader Nigel Farage is said to be incensed yet vindicated as the news broke this morning that overnight a Romanian family moved into his arse. Speaking on Andrew Neil’s political chat show ‘Afternoon Bollocks’ where he broke traditional chat show protocol by refusing to sit down, Mr Farage explained “I think they’re Romanian anyway. […]