The Sun newspaper has devoted its front page this morning to the news that many moles are considering abandoning their life underground and looking to start a new life on the earth’s surface.
In an abrupt editorial Editor Tony Gallagher said “If we let them up here we pave the way for ferrets, badgers and all sorts of tunnelling rodents to decamp to the surface where they will ignore all our values and just help themselves to our sunshine. And all other weather for that matter.”
The headlines come amidst claims that a recent survey, also by The Sun, showed that 4 out of 5 moles wanted what we had and weren’t choosy about how they went about getting it.
“If their lives were in danger underground we could understand it, but they’re simply doing it as a lifestyle choice.” Mr Gallagher added.
UKIP leader Nigel Farage said that moles would have to accept that Britain’s surface area was already full up with humans, dogs, cats and maybe horses who had lived above the ground for generations. “Obviously the Guardian readers are going to call us speciesist. But would you want to share your garden with a mole. No. I didn’t think so.”
The news has received a mixed response from members of the public. One home owner told us “On one hand I don’t mind sharing my garden with a few moles. On the other hand I haven’t actually seen any yet and as a result I’ve got Britain First standing around in my garden taking selfies and claiming credit for it.”