Britain First to defend Falklands

Britain First

Britain First are set to travel to the Falkland Islands to help defend against any threat from Argentina, according to Defence secretary Philip Hammond, who today unveiled a series of measures to bolster the British armed forces without spending any money.

Speaking to a heaving press conference Mr Hammond said “They’ve got uniforms, they like marching, but unlike the army we don’t have to pay them. Plus they must get terribly bored trying to defend Britain by drawing graffiti on mosques and threatening British born people of a different colour. They must also hate the fact that they do this within the safe confines of Britain, never having to dodge any bullets. Consequently, the least we can do is send them to our remotest outpost and set them up against an entire country with a massive army and warships.”

Britain First Leader Paul Golding said he welcomed the secondment, though admitted he was not clear as to the organisation’s exact role “They probably want us to help the Islanders by protesting against a mosque” He explained.

A Ministry of Defence source told us the deployment would be gradual but that was no reason for them all to start their journey now.

“They all dress up in green. And most of the Falkland Islands are green. They’ll blend in perfectly. We just need to get them all lying down in an exposed field until such time as they need to jump up and surprise an Argentine invasion.” He told us.

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