Public thank Britain First for winning world war one

The British public have come together as one to thank BNP splinter group Britain First who according to their social media posts appear to have won World War One.

One adoring fan told us “They’re my heroes. You won’t find them travelling and learning about new cultures because they’re too busy protecting Britain.. But they must have left the country at some point. How else would they have won World War One? And given that that started 100 years ago, they’re still looking quite youthful I must add.”

Britain First leader and former BNP councillor Paul Golding told us “Every time you buy a poppy, you’ve joined Britain First, even though we’re not allowed to sell them ourselves and veterans won’t touch us with a barge poll. But we’ll use a picture of a poppy to publicise our vitriolic Facebook page. And that’s because World War One was fought against the Muslims.

“It’s a complete misconception that by marching around pissed up and on amphetamines, shouting racist slogans and attacking mosques we distort the image of Britain as a tolerant nation and actually engender extremism amongst young British Muslims. Absolutely wrong. Couldn’t be further from the truth.”

One spectator at one of the many World War One commemorations held today said “It’s superb that they can organise all this. I thought they just started fights in pubs. But it’s comforting to know that they’re fighting for the best interests of every man, woman and child in Britain as opposed to just being a bunch of middle aged thugs who on finding themselves incapable of relating to other cultures choose instead to do the one thing that fits into their limited comfort zone which is try and have a punch up.”