Osborne negotiates half price Rotisserie chicken

George Osborne has reportedly brokered a 50% discount off a ready cooked chicken in the latest of a string of discounts declared by the Chancellor for and on behalf of the British people.

“It’s normally £3.50 for one of these bad boys but I proved my metal today and as my receipt will prove I paid just £1.75.That’s half what they were asking for.”

However, workers at the Asda superstore in Gosport, Hampshire told us “There was a 75p discount on the chicken due to it being ten minutes before the shop shut. But the remaining pound discount was simply the pound he had already spent on parking and was then able to claim back at the till, thus saving £1.75 on his receipt.”

Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls said “Once again it’s just another case of smoke and mirrors from a Chancellor who’d have you believe that he’s capable of knocking 50% off the price of a prime rotisserie product.”

Indeed one parliamentary insider told us that whether by deception or not ‘Half-Price Chickengate’ would most likely be the subject of conversation amongst the chattering classes for the foreseeable future.

“If I know him like I think I know him, he’ll be already be tucking into it in the commons bar, straight out of the bag without any cutlery whilst loudly asking opposition MPs how much they paid for their chicken. Probably with his mouth full. And I’m not even going to discuss what he might be doing with his other hand.”