Isle of Wight residents boycott Asda after new bags read “Isle of Shite”

Isle of Wight residents are threatening to boycott the new Asda superstore after their new bags for life were found to read “Isle of Shite”.

Supermarkets urge public to stop whinging on about their filthy chickens

Supermarkets throughout Britain are urging the public to stop whinging on about their filthy chickens and get on with the serious business of panic buying all sorts of shit in time for the festive bank holiday later in December. A spokesman for the National Association of Supermarkets explained “We could spend money on non-filthy chickens […]

Osborne negotiates half price Rotisserie chicken

George Osborne has reportedly brokered a 50% discount off a ready cooked chicken in the latest of a string of discounts declared by the Chancellor for and on behalf of the British people. “It’s normally £3.50 for one of these bad boys but I proved my metal today and as my receipt will prove I […]

Tesco flees the country

Supermarket giant Tesco is rumoured this evening to have fled the country having been released today on bail following an interrogation by the serious fraud office. One industry insider told us “There’s no cast iron proof of guilt just yet but that Tesco’s not stupid and obviously decided to do a runner before they put […]

Tesco “We’re not sorry and we’re going to carry on doing it”

Tesco have told their critics today that they’re not sorry about sneaking horse meat into their products and they plan to roll out more horse to a variety of new products over the coming years. In a statement this morning Chief Executive Philip Clarke announced “Haha! You all ate horse! That’ll serve you right for […]