Supermarket giant Tesco is rumoured this evening to have fled the country having been released today on bail following an interrogation by the serious fraud office.
One industry insider told us “There’s no cast iron proof of guilt just yet but that Tesco’s not stupid and obviously decided to do a runner before they put two and two together. He or she or it know’s it’s only a matter of time.”
Asda have gone on record to urge Tesco to face the music rather than spending a life time on the run. “It’s not like it’s up for murder. Unless you count an early death through eating dubious chopped and shaped chicken products. And bear ham. If you’re counting that, I guess we’d better do a runner too.”
A spokesman for the Serious Fraud Office admitted that interviewing other National supermarket chains had proved fruitless.
“We’ve tried talking to Sainsbury and Morrissons but nobody’s prepared to grass anyone up.” he explained.
Members of the public, particularly those based in city ports are asked to call the authorities immediately should they see a chain of oversized stores selling mass produced processed food items acting in a suspicious manner. However people have been warned not to approach.”
“This is an unscrupulous corporation who will most likely lie about it’s profits and attempt to sell you bear ham” we were told.
Interpol have issued a warrant for Tesco’s arrest and urged police forces world wide to apprehend the several hundred stores before they disappear untraceably into the mass shopping solutions underworld.
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