Immigration policy to be decided by punch up in Dover

MPs are anxiously awaiting the results of the punch up in Dover today in order to finalise British policy on immigration.

One Dover local said “I had previously regarded the far right with some amusement and I was planning to ignore them and get on with my day. Now it’s all going to be decided by a scrap I suppose we should all just support whoever wins.

“On one hand you have a bunch of blokes who just want a fight and are fascists and on the other hand you have some blokes who just want a fight and aren’t fascists.”

“We’re not just after a fight and we’ll square up to anyone who says we are” said someone from either one of the far right or one of the anti-racism groups.

Activists from both sides have hit back at suggestions that whoever beats the crap out of the other has got fuck all to do with anything.

One member of the National Front told us “If we win, the Government will have to immediately take us back to a golden time where there was no immigration in Britain. Which will be interesting because that time was never”

On the other side, one socialist Worker party member said “If we win, then the Government will have to take on all our beliefs. Which will then mean we’re part of the establishment and we’ve sold out. So we’ll have to switch to the other side or something.”

In the case of no clear winner, immigration policy may have to be decided by another fight in a different town.