Much of the population of Surrey are preparing to vote in the labour leadership elections, following revelations that there is a £25 charge to keep the riff raff out.
One city broker with a converted barn just outside Woking told us”I wouldn’t have been seen dead supporting labour but when I found out they were actually banning poor people I warmed to the idea. Then when it emerged they were actually banning Labour members from voting I thought I’d better give it a punt.
“After all, none of us got to vote in the Conservative leadership campaign so it’s bloody decent of labour to let us all have a go. All of us except the proles obviously.”
Indeed excited Godalming resident Tarquin Broughton-Strumpet told us
“It’ll be a scream. I can vote for a Labour leader, and then strut around the house wearing a gucci cap and braces telling my family that I’ve been “down pit” in a hilariously contrived northern accent. I might even be really working class and go to the pub. For an artisan charcuterie platter and a glass of rioja.”
The onset of Surrey residents voting purely to show their neighbours that they can, has left the results of the contest in some doubt. One well heeled affiliate supporter said
“I might give that Angela Eagle a go. She’s not very left wing and she won’t win a general election either. Or something. Either way I’m not going to pass up a status symbol like being able to afford to vote for Labour’s leader. Honestly £25 quid means nothing to me one way or another. I’ve got a nice car as well.”