Leadsom “Male zoo keepers will just try to shag the animals”

Zoos should only employ female zoo keepers, as the male ones would only try to shag the animals, according to former Prime Ministerial candidate Andrea Leadsom.

“I’m only saying what we all know. Would you leave a man in charge of your zebra? Not if you don’t want him to be up to his nuts in it the moment your back is turned.” She smiled.

Mrs Leadsom made the comments in the run up to the Conservative leadership contest where she also hinted that men should be banned from any sort of jobs in the post office.

“I’m sure some men would be perfectly trustworthy surrounded by letters, parcels and packages. Others would most likely use them as objects for their sexual satisfaction. I for one don’t want a parcel that some man has been up to his nuts in seconds earlier. I’m only saying what we’re all thinking.”

Mrs Leadsom, a staunch Christian formerly opposed to women priests, said that she had changed her mind following a sudden epiphany.

“I suddenly realised that most men go for vicar jobs  because they want to shag God. They might seem very nice and they’re perfectly pious when they take a congregation but then they’re up to their nuts in the celestial being the moment our backs are turned. No-one wants to discuss it though. It’s the elephant in the room.”