Panic as 42 foot high Julian Assange leaves Ecuadorian embassy

British authorities are firmly pointing the finger of blame at the Ecuadorian Ambassador this morning after a colossal Julian Assange left the Ecuadorian embassy to begin a rampage across London. Between seven and eight times larger than the one who went in there two years ago, the Wiki-Leaks founder is believed to have been cynically […]

Gove still hanging around schools

Former education secretary Michael Gove is still hanging around schools despite not having held the position for some time according to several headmasters. Speaking outside a local secondary school Mr Gove told us “I’m doing a spot check but they won’t let me in. They say I have no authority now, but I can do […]

Putin recognises the Isle of Wight as a nation

Russian President Vladimir Putin has signed a decree recognising the Isle of Wight as a “sovereign and independent state”, officials say. Sources said the decree would come into force immediately. Foreign Secretary William Hague said “Mr Putin has had his eye on the Isle of Wight and their thriving ice cream and garlic industry for […]

Fears mount of Sting releasing another anti-cold war song

In Europe and America there’s a growing feeling of hysteria or so the song went. And fears are mounting today that amidst the worsening crisis in Ukraine and sabre rattling from Russian President Vladimir Putin, former Police front man Sting may be likely to release another anti-cold war song. A source close to Sting told […]

Putin promises to keep invasions down to a minimum

President of Russia Vladimir Putin has today promised that he will keep all invasions down to a minimum. Mr Putin has blamed foreign interference for him choosing to invade foreign countries but promised despite this he will be exercising restraint and will not be invading somewhere every day. “We will start every morning by asking […]

Foreign Office change advice to ‘Everybody must go to Yemen’

In a surprise change of direction this morning the foreign office have changed their advice for travelers  to “Fuck it. Life’s too short. Let’s all go on holiday to Yemen.” Speaking at a press conference this morning Foreign Secretary William Hague Well explained “We recently asked people to stay away from the place but then […]

Spain fury at British plans for ‘Cock of Gibraltar’

The Spanish Government has today expressed ‘anger and disappointment’ at plans to resculpt  the famous Rock of Gibraltar into a giant penis. Speaking at a press conference this morning a Government spokesman argued  “It is bad enough that you will be able to see this giant phallic monstrosity from 80 miles away. But the fact […]

Worldwide shock as Iran elects Johnny Vegas as President

Chubby comedian Johnny Vegas has surprised many on the world political stage by being voted in as Iran’s new president, replacing Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. After what was seemingly a shock endorsement by Iran’s supreme leader, Ayatollah Khamenei, Mr Vegas has rapidly gained the popular vote after suggesting that the entire Iranian population should spend one day […]

Vatican to invade the Falkland Islands

Shiny new Pope Frank has announced at his Inauguration Mass today that his first task as Catholic Church Boss will be to lead an all out invasion of the Falkland Islands.  Speaking in Latin, he told the 200.000 strong crowd “I’ve been approached by Argentinian president Cristina Fernandez and asked if I can do something […]

Falkland Islanders vote to be French

The long running dispute regarding the sovereignty of the Falkland Islands took an unexpected twist today as the results of the referendum have seen the Islanders speak emphatically, and in one voice, that from now on they wish to be French. Argentine President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner has requested that the French Government hand over […]