Foreign Office change advice to ‘Everybody must go to Yemen’

In a surprise change of direction this morning the foreign office have changed their advice for travelers  to “Fuck it. Life’s too short. Let’s all go on holiday to Yemen.”

Speaking at a press conference this morning Foreign Secretary William Hague Well explained “We recently asked people to stay away from the place but then we thought bollocks, we’ve gone health and safety mad.  And everywhere’s a little bit dangerous these days isn’t it? Might as well just turn up en masse and turn it into another Benidorm.  It actually has many similar qualities such as long sandy beaches, palm trees, cheap beer and a high risk of kidnap from armed tribes, criminals and terrorists. As we now appear to have fallen out with Spain it’ll be the perfect choice for the discerning Brit who wants to go on holiday without learning a new language or sampling any new cuisine.”

Yemen already has many British bars and restaurants, many owned by celebrities such as Christopher Biggins and the Chuckle Brothers. Actor Danny Dyer was in the process of making a video to advertise timeshares when we spoke to him. “Its the dog’s bollocks over here son. It’s already like Harlow new town. If we can get everybody over there it’ll be just like a proper little England with tea, egg and chips, and day trips across the water to Somalia.”

In separate advice from across the Atlantic, the United States Government have told the American people  “It’s all OK. Everywhere is safe now.”