Worldwide shock as Iran elects Johnny Vegas as President

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Chubby comedian Johnny Vegas has surprised many on the world political stage by being voted in as Iran’s new president, replacing Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

After what was seemingly a shock endorsement by Iran’s supreme leader, Ayatollah Khamenei, Mr Vegas has rapidly gained the popular vote after suggesting that the entire Iranian population should spend one day a week drinking beer and sitting around in their pants. An insider told us “The supreme leader is a big fan of Mr Vegas and will of course be willing to let him have time off to go and film episodes of his sitcom Ideal.”

Mr Vegas told reporters that he couldn’t really remember going to Iran or lesser still applying for the job but does concede that it was a ‘very heavy night’. “I just went down the red lion for 3 or 4 and the next thing I knew I had a banging head and I was being endorsed by the Ayatollah. I must have been munted like a chimp. It’s my own fault for doing Jagerbombs!”

This appointment is the first time that a western comedian has woken up from an alcoholic stupor to find themselves president of a foreign country since Frank Carson briefly became President of Uganda in the 1980s.

Mr Vegas has confirmed that now he has the position, he intends to go for it like a whippet up a drain pipe. “I’m going to be Tehran’s answer to Boris Johnson!  What’s going to happen is you’ll ask me probing questions about the Iranian nuclear program and I’ll avoid the issue by slurping  tea and talking  to a stuffed monkey.”

Foreign Secretary William Hague has admitted that he doesn’t know if diplomatic relations will be easier or harder with Iran under President Vegas’ rule. “It all depends how pissed he gets I suppose” he told us.

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