Panic as 42 foot high Julian Assange leaves Ecuadorian embassy

giant julian assange

British authorities are firmly pointing the finger of blame at the Ecuadorian Ambassador this morning after a colossal Julian Assange left the Ecuadorian embassy to begin a rampage across London. Between seven and eight times larger than the one who went in there two years ago, the Wiki-Leaks founder is believed to have been cynically incubated within the embassy where he has been apparently fed constantly from a giant rotating buffet whilst being injected with steroids, ephedrine and elephant hormones.

Former Foreign Secretary William Hague told us “I’ve been trying to tell everyone for months that letting him pitch up in the Ecuadorian embassy for all those months is going to be just the same as putting the A-team in a warehouse with loads of tools and engines. It’s no solace being proved right though.”

Benedict Cumberbatch who played Julian Assange in the film The Fifth Estate  told us “Like many people I’ve never actually watched the film. But I was in it and I have no recollection of turning into a giant. That just goes to show how little we know about this inspirational man, and the Ecuadorian embassy, and elephant hormones.

“He’s 43 foot tall now so I wouldn’t want to be standing underneath him when he has a wiki-leak. However, if I know him like I think I know him, he’ll grab some young lady and climb to the top of the shard or the post office tower with her slung over his shoulder whilst a team of fighter jets attempt to shoot him down.”

The Government of Ecuador have denied any involvement.

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