Slutty panda to blame for unwanted pregnancy


Edinburgh Zoo has today become the focus for world wide condemnation on the news that yet another panda has exhibited loose morals and managed to get themselves up the duff.

An editorial in the Daily Mail has explained “They dress provocatively and they only get themselves pregnant in order to get a larger enclosure in the zoo. It’s absolute filth. In the meantime here are some pictures of young pandas showing off their shapely curves.”

Secretary of State for Work and Pensions Iain Duncan Smith told us “I recently had a panda epiphany after visiting China on a government paid jolly. Out there they just leave them to run around forests and look after themselves. If they are lucky enough to be locked up then they’re expected to pay rent for their cages by dancing. Over here we just let them have sex with each other without any thought for the consequences. We must not pander to pandas.”

However, the lack of personal responsibility of pandas has not just been of concern to the Government, but also eco campaigners. Indeed Britains only Green Party MP Caroline Lucas is juggling her protest at people digging holes with a new movement designed to embarrass randy pandas and hopefully put them off their stroke.  Speaking at a press conference with Irish rocker and worthy cause monger Bono, she pleaded with Governments world wide to wake up to the situation.

“If they carry on like this there will be a panda population explosion and the planet may not be able to produce enough bamboo to feed them all. It’s just not sustainable. They’ll just have to start eating meat like normal bears.”

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