Rare steaks on the menu as vegetarians finally call an end to protest


It’s been over 50 years since the first dinner party was ruined by someone saying, “I can’t eat this I’m vegetarian!” A protest then taken up by millions of people worldwide and which came to an end this morning. Its been a long and windy road for many protesters, some who had chosen to abstain from eating meat completely, others who had only eaten animals that could swim, such as fish, penguins and bears.

President of the Vegetarian Society Ernest Bell-Pepper announced this morning “It’s been one of the most successful and long running protests in human history. But everything has to come to an end. And quite frankly if I never see another fucking soya bean again, it’ll be too soon. I’m off to that Michel Roux’s place for some foie gras and a fillet steak.”

Paul McCartney added “It has come to our attention that cows and sheep actually like being eaten. Either way, they’d certainly eat us given half a chance. I will of course be continuing to flog Linda’s veggie burgers, but now they’ll have bacon in them.”

Butchers up and down the country are temporarily opening 7 days a week to deal with the sudden increase in demand. One butcher cheerfully told us: “The vegetarian protest certainly taught us a lesson over the last 50 years. But right now if I was a cow, sheep or pig I’d be shitting myself.”

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