Shock as cat passes GCSE Maths


Portsmouth Grammar School are looking likely to increase their fees for the coming term having successfully tutored a 4 year old tabby cat through GCSE Maths. Known to class mates as Fiddles, the cat managed to break all records within feline academia by obtaining a grade C, despite not seeming fully engaged during the examination itself.

One invigilator said “I think he knew he had done enough to pass already from the coursework. He just sat there washing himself and then went off and ran about a bit.”

Education Secretary Nicky Morgan told us that the results were a victory for the coalition and for common sense.

“It’s yet another example that under a Conservative led Britain, anyone can strive to better themselves, be they rich or poor, male or female, black or white or in this case a tabby.”

However, the results have not been without their critics. Shadow Education Secretary Tristram Hunt told us “They’ve changed it all again and obviously made it easier than last time. Could a cat have got a GCSE last year? In all honesty I don’t think so.

“This cat clearly lived in an affluent household where it had access to a wide variety of literature within a supportive environment. Try making a stray cat do calculus and it will bite you.”

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