Iain Duncan Smith has resigned as Work and Pensions secretary citing his own policies as a step too far.
“I wouldn’t want to be part of a Government that would let someone as unpleasant as me form policies. It’s a step too far my precious.” He explained.
It’s thought that Mr Duncan Smith had revelled in his job of kicking the stool away from the poor and needy by day, but in fact joined the rest of the British public in shouting at himself on the tv when he knocked off for the evening. “He’s a revolting specimen. And I should know. I’m him. My precious.” He told us.
It has been speculated that Mr Duncan Smith’s new found social conscience will mean him joining anti-austerity marches around the country volunteering to help in soup kitchens and even joining Labour under Jeremy Corbyn.
It has also been speculated that Mr Duncan Smith might not actually be at all remorseful about the cuts but will instead just be devoting his time to the leave the EU campaign before jostling for a position in the new cabinet after David Cameron leaves, where he can come across as someone who has changed and is actually a nice guy, and then not be.
Prime Minister David Cameron has refused to confirm who will be Mr Duncan Smith’s successor but the smart money is thought to be on Michael dog shit Gove or Jeremy fucking Hunt.
“They’ll have to be a proper piece of work” Mr Cameron conceded.