Iain Duncan Smith has revealed that he was forced to leave his front bench government position because he cares too much and there was nothing in the budget to benefit fluffy kittens.
Making an impassioned statement on the Andrew Marr show the former Work and Pensions Secretary said “I can’t stand by and watch benefit cuts that might affect cute little kittens and fluffy bunnies.”
“What sort of inhuman person doesn’t love kittens?” the former work and Pensions secretary asked Marr with a tear in his eye and a quivering lip
“I’ve always dreamt of a society where there is no poverty, everyone is equal and everyone has a nice warm pair of socks on on a cold day. So having to come home from work already racked with guilt over the people’s lives that I’ve ruined with my benefit cuts for my own amusement, and then having to face my wife asking ‘But what of the kittens Iain? What have you done for the kittens?’ was just a step too far.” He sobbed.
“So in order to protect the kittens, bunnies and other furry creatures I’ve made the tough decision to fuck over my old colleagues and campaign to leave the EU before forming a new cabinet firmly ensconced in Boris Johnson’s arse hole.”
“Right. Kitten pie for tea.” He told us off the record.