The recent spell of marauding clowns throughout the UK is comprised of UKIP members who have had their referendum, lost their leader and now don’t know what to do, according to former leader Nigel Farage.
“They’ve had their vote, they’ve worked out that all their problems are going to be there whether we’re in Europe or not, there’s always going to be immigrants and suddenly they don’t have me with a pint of lager and an embassy regal telling them everything’s going to be alright. Obviously they’re going to plaster themselves with make-up, put on some over-sized shoes and hang around on street corners scaring passers by.”
“It’s why Diane James couldn’t last as a leader. The moment she came to chair her first meeting they all turned up in dilapidated cars and started squirting her with water from pretend flowers pinned to their lapels. I would have just told them to go home and get changed, but she just wasn’t up to it.”
Indeed UKIP MEP and potential leader Steven Woolfe urged UKIP members to stop scaring the public and just have a big fight.
“Clowns are largely Italian anyway.” He explained from his hospital bed. “If anything we should be dressing up as Morris dancers.”