Theresa May is still going to win the General election despite all the recent kerfuffle and she is going to start her term by rounding up Labour voters and sending them to Tory correction centres.
“They wanted me to actually debate with other politicians on prime time television. So we’re going to come for them in the middle of the night.” She told us.
The special centres, to be built around fracking sites by a construction firm owned by Jacob Rees-Mogg, will apparently force left wing prisoners to help in the process of fracking and then drink the surrounding water to make sure it’s safe. Whilst working inmates will be encouraged to sing songs about lazy poor people. The evenings will largely be spent on re-education and watching repeats of Jim Davidson and Mind your language.
Mrs May assured anyone planning to vote Labour, Lib Dem, Green or anyone else that they would keep all their human rights, right up until next week, the second her new term starts.
“So you’d better have one big free speech and get it out of your system.” She explained.
“And then we’ll have another election.” She added.
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