Tiny Eric Pickles on the loose in Eric Pickles Russian doll shocker

It’s been another tough day for the Government, not least for Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government Eric Pickles, who saw himself this morning outed as a Russian Doll, inside which there have transpired to be a great many number of Eric Pickles. In an attack thought to be led by the English Defence League the front bench portly Tory was forcibly knocked off his feet, only to spill out his other selves in varying degrees of height.

Part of the A41 near Aylesbury had to be closed this afternoon as police and fire crew battled to clear the road of Eric Pickles and round up any strays. “It wasn’t easy” a police spokesman told us. “They can actually run quite fast, particularly the little ones!”

Many members of the EDL have reportedly climbed inside some of the larger Eric Pickles and have refused to leave until Britain stops being diverse. One member told us “We’re changing our name from EDL to Occupy Eric Pickles. It’s the only language they understand”

It’s thought that one of the smaller Eric Pickles is still at large and police are advising the public not to approach or try to apprehend him themselves, particularly if they have a job in the public sector. “He may be only 2 foot high” we were told “But he will try to eat you. It’s best to stay away. He’s most likely to head to the nearest civic offices to stop them authorising social housing. But we’ll be waiting with a net.”