Men return from pub as Britain’s Got Talent finally ends

men in pubs

The pub trade was today lamenting the end of the 2013 series of Britains Got Talent as husbands, boyfriends and male platonic live in friends throughout the country returned home from the pub this morning . Motorists faced delays of several hours as many city centres were closed today due to the staggering hoards of revellers doing the ‘walk of shame’ back to their houses.

A spokesman from the National Association of Boozers told us “It’s been a tough few years for the pub trade but a lot more pubs would have gone under if it wasn’t for the 2 month solid binge from men and discerning ladies who can’t stand that  Brian’s got talent or whatever his name is. Whenever it snows a bit we tend to notice a slight uplift in trade and Christmas always helps, but the moment that the likes of Cowell and Holden are on the box judging mediocre singing and dancing by their own bland standards,  all the blokes are in there knocking them back like there’s no tomorrow.”

Simon Cowell who owns several pub chains throughout Britain has admitted that he started the questionable talent show in the hope that it would drive EVERYBODY out to the pub for 2 months every year. “What we didn’t realise is that some people would actually enjoy watching an attention seeking bollock fest, and would stay in to watch funny crying people manically dancing or singing dull versions of overplayed songs. But then I realised I get paid for that happening as well. It’s why I’m so rich that I put on a new pair of underpants every day. And I mean EVERY day.”

However in a good move for the economy, today is the busiest day of the year for kebab shops throughout the country. One kebab outlet told us “We are bracing ourselves for the biggest day trading yet. You must remember these people have been on the lash since trailers for the show started. They tend to consume almost their own weight in Doner, and half the time they keep most of it down, they’re that hungry.”

The Department of Health have criticised any moves to keep people permanently drinking in pubs. “We gain a lot of tax revenue from boozing. But the idea of every town having a statue of Amanda Holden in the centre, to scare people back into pubs  is just a step too far.”

This year Britain’s got talent was won by Hungary, though special commendation went to an egg throwing musician and a man who juggled labradors.

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