Coca-Cola to include cocaine again

coca-cola cocaine

Coca-Cola are to get round the sugar tax by replacing some of the sugar in its drinks with cocaine according to a statement released by the ultra-sugary drinks giant this morning.

A spokesman for the corporation that famously made diabetes sexy said “Despite the fact that cocaine is an illegal drug, it didn’t used to be and because it used to be part of our recipe in the 19th century, there’s a loophole that says its not illegal to include it now. But don’t worry, it will still have our best loved ingredients of caffeine and phosphoric acid in it.”

Whilst many have applauded the industry leader in its search for alternative ingredients, Mockney chef Jamie Oliver has already questioned whether the addition of Bolivian marching powder would even be any more healthy.

“They only put half a gram or so in every can but apparently that’s enough to get out of paying any sugar tax. You honestly couldn’t make it up.” He told us.

Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has argued that the change of recipe has served to highlight the popularity of the sugar tax in his recent budget and has thanked Coca-Cola for entering fully into the spirit of it.

“A large corporation not wanting to pay tax and something about cocaine? All sounds above board to me.” He explained.

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