Coca-Cola to include cocaine again

Coca-Cola are to get round the sugar tax by replacing some of the sugar in its drinks with cocaine according to a statement released by the ultra-sugary drinks giant this morning.

“You’re our special little soldier” Coca Cola tell David Cameron

Multinational beverage corporation Coca Cola has today issued a statement hailing David Cameron as their ‘special little soldier’ following his decision today to rule out taxing sugary drinks. Part of the statement reads “We’re very grateful that David has seen sense and children are now able to spend all their pocket money on carbonated drinks […]

Government to impose Jamie Oliver tax

A spokesman for the department of Health has confirmed today that the Government will be taxing any food, phrases or general behaviour that can be traced back to cheeky mockney dinner-monger Jamie Oliver. “We’ve been under pressure to think about public health and well being and admittedly we may have had our heads in the […]