A spokesman for the department of Health has confirmed today that the Government will be taxing any food, phrases or general behaviour that can be traced back to cheeky mockney dinner-monger Jamie Oliver.
“We’ve been under pressure to think about public health and well being and admittedly we may have had our heads in the sand up until now. However, the turning point came when he started trying to get everyone to say Mac ‘n’ cheese instead of macaroni cheese. He’s shortened the macaroni bit but added in another word. We finally realised that this sort of fuckwittery had to be stopped once and for all.”
The Government have been clear throughout that they are not banning listening to or following the recipes of Mr Oliver per se, just imposing a tax to make absolutely sure people don’t call their dinner wicked just for the sake of it.
One member of the public told us that the new tax might be all the impetus that they need to stop relying on the meal ideas of a non michelin starred faux cheeky chappie from Saffron Walden who says pukka-tucker instead of lunch.
“It’s not a bad boy is it? It’s a sandwich. It’s like the carrier bag thing. I’m just going to have to grow up and learn to change.”
Mr Oliver is thought to be championing a rival ‘sugar tax’ which would raise a levy on all sugar laden products except his own desserts. “They’re larvely after a walk down the frog and toad on yer plates of meat. Love a duck mister.” He explained.