“You’re our special little soldier” Coca Cola tell David Cameron

Multinational beverage corporation Coca Cola has today issued a statement hailing David Cameron as their ‘special little soldier’ following his decision today to rule out taxing sugary drinks.

Part of the statement reads “We’re very grateful that David has seen sense and children are now able to spend all their pocket money on carbonated drinks with 16 spoons full of sugar and a dash of phosphoric acid in every can.”

Mr Cameron has hit back at critics who suggest that a sugar tax would somehow improve the health of the nation and help pay off some of the huge debts he is accruing despite austerity.

“It is absolutely ridiculous to say that I’m in the pockets of multinational corporations. Anyway, around this time I normally like to stop and share a coke with all my friends while hold hands and build a better world for you. Everyone should have a coke and a smile, even if it turns out to be a gap toothed smile. It certainly is the real thing. You can’t beat the feeling.” He told us.

Health secretary Jeremy Hunt said “Slim children with all their own teeth are just going to run around biting people. And they’ll be annoyingly healthy leaving doctors with less to do at week-ends which we couldn’t tolerate.”

A spokesman for Coca Cola has also denied that there is any vested interests involved in the Prime Minister’s decision.

“He’s our special little fella and he can carry on being prime Minister until we tell him otherwise.  Now here’s a stick David. What’s this? Whass this eh boy? Fetch! Fetch David. What a good boy!” He explained.