Trump to deport toddlers

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US President Donald Trump is to begin a mass deportation of toddlers following reports that statistically they shoot more people in America than Islamic terrorists.

Public fury as woman wins case not to find Mrs Brown’s boys funny

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Campaigner Gina Miller has won a landmark case not to find Mrs Brown’s Boys funny depsite the fact that it was voted Britain’s best comedy by the British public

Brexiters welcome new influx of immigrants from around the world

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Brexiters have come together to welcome the new influx of immigrants from around the world that they voted for by opting out of the European single market

Trump begins arresting and waterboarding musicians

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US citizens have been urged today to come forward regarding the whereabouts of Bruce Springsteen, Elton John and U2 who are all reportedly on the run following news that President Of the USA, Donald Trump, has ordered the arrest and subsequent waterboarding of all musicians apart from the ones that played his inauguration.

May under fire as husband selling wheelbarrows for public to load worthless cash into

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Theresa May has been accused of foul play today following revelations that her husband Philip May has cornered the market in wheelbarrows for people to fill up with soon to be worthless currency when they need to buy a loaf of bread.

God refuses to attend Trump’s inauguration

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Donald Trump has suffered the biggest snub to his presidency so far after God has reportedly ruled out attending the President Elect’s inauguration.

Trump “We will build a giant Mexican and Pink Floyd will have to pay for it”

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Donald Trump will commission the construction of a gigantic Mexican bankrolled by progressive rock band Pink Floyd according to the President Elect this morning.

“I never mocked that disabled reporter” says man who mocked reporter for being disabled

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Donald Trump has gone on record today to deny mocking reporter Serge Kovaleski for being disabled even though he did and it was all recorded and everybody saw it.

Poor people to ask Philip Schofield before spending benefits

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Poor people will be required to consult Phillip Schofield before spending any of their benefits according to new legislation passed today.

English Defence league to assist with English tuition for new immigrants

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The English Defence League is to offer free English tuition to all new immigrants in a new project designed to facilitate communication and ease racial tension.