Royal children are better than yours

The Royal children are better than yours, their birthdays are more important and when they are old enough to think things, the things that they think will be more important than the things your children think about things.

People unite behind more reliance on food banks and no NHS

Theresa May looks set to win the forthcoming General election due to the overwhelming popularity of more people needing food banks and her plans to completely dismantle the NHS.

Paultons Park to admit only blonde haired blue eyed children

Paulton’s park are to restrict access to children with blonde hair, blue eyes and high cheekbones accompanied by parents of a similar appearance unless they’re a foreign nanny.-

Nuttall “If we don’t get any seats, I’ll change our name to Pookip”

UKIP leader Paul Nuttall has today vowed to change the party’s name to Pookip if they fail to win any seats at the forthcoming general election.

Corbyn’s daughter to market own range of fragrances

Jeremy Corbyn has today denied any conflict of interest with his position as leader of the opposition and his recent promotion of his daughter’s new range of fragrances which came on the market this week.

Scientists discover pride of vegan lions

Scientists studying lions in Africa have stumbled upon a tribe of vegan lions that have shunned the normal carnivorous diet associated with their species and instead live solely on fruit and vegetables.

Fury as St George’s day bank holiday on a Sunday

Prime Minister Theresa May has this morning been accused of subterfuge and deceit following mass realisation that the St George’s day bank holiday has somehow been moved to a Sunday when no-one is at work anyway,

May “No TV debate because I’ll look like a shitbag”

Prime Minister Theresa May has today ruled out participating in any TV debates before the forthcoming General Election as it might make her look like a tiny bit of a cunt.

Putin unsure how to screw up UK General election any more than it is

Russian Premier Vladimir Putin is thought to be stumped as to how he might sabotage the forthcoming UK general election without inadvertently making it better, according to Kremlin sources.

Theresa May “The bible says I must take disabled people’s cars away”

Theresa May has only passed legislation to take mobility cars away from disabled people because it says so in the bible according to an interview with the God fearing Prime minister.