Damian Green porn allegations in doubt as internet history empty

damien green internet history

First Secretary of State Damian Green has never been on the internet ever according to his internet history, completely disproving allegations that he may have been watching porn.

“I don’t even have a computer,” he explained via email. “Obviously I have one in front of me now, but if you look on the history I haven’t actually used it.”

Prime Minister Theresa May said “We’re glad that Mr Green has been proved innocent and hope that this draws a line under the whole affair. We’re not sure how these accusations have surfaced in the first place. Not only has he never been on the internet, we’ve never seen him actually turn a computer on. In fact he always seems to be turning one off in a hurry whenever anyone comes into his office.

“In fact he’s so keen to turn computers off he does it before pulling up his trousers. How much more proof of his innocence do you need?”

However, Mr Green has refuted the statements made by Mrs May. “I’ve never turned one off in my office.” He assured us.

 

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