“Farage stole my egg” claims protester

Nigel Farage stands accused of stealing an egg from an unsuspecting member of the public in what appears to be an entirely unprovoked act of theft.

The protester known only as Fred from Nottingham told us “Just because that Farage is famous he thinks he’s above the law. Alright, I might have thrown the egg  at him, completely by mistake I must add, but he only needed to say “sorry old chap I appear to have your egg, please have it back”. Or better still he could have said “I’ve broken your egg on my head, I’m terribly sorry, please accept sufficient remuneration for you to go back to Tesco and buy another one”. But oh no, he just marched off to the pub with his nose in the air and my egg all over his head like he was perfectly entitled.”

Speaking to us from the Bell Inn near the city’s town hall, the UKIP leader showed little or no remorse for his egg embezzling antics.”It was quite obviously a present. It’s my egg and that Fred has no right to ask for it back. He’s obviously working for those fat cats in Brussels. If his lot have their way we’ll all have to eat square eggs.”

A spokesman for Nottinghamshire Police told us “We take egg theft extremely seriously. But it’ll probably be a caution for Farage as long as he never does it again.”