Metallica eaten by bears

Heavy Metal group Metallica look unlikely to perform their headline slot at Glastonbury 2014 after all, as according to industry insiders,  the entire band have been eaten by bears. Bear hunting is a sport widely advocated by the National Rifle Association in America. It’s leader Charlton Heston apparently lived in fear of the world turning […]

Jools Holland to accompany Royal birth on the piano

A spokesman from St Mary’s Hospital has today confirmed that Princess Kate’s labour will indeed be enhanced by musician and television presenter Jools Holland playing a variety of boogie woogie classics in time with the contractions. A music industry insider told us “It’s difficult to say no to Jools. Whenever any band starts to make […]