Queen ‘getting right on it’ after £2M pay rise


Her Royal Highness Her majesty Elizabeth The Queen is apparently unavailable for comment today after the first 24 hours of “getting right on it” following yesterdays pay rise. In what was described by Royal sources as “serious result” in the form of a £2 million pay rise from the public purse, the Palace hosted one of their infamous ‘lager and curry’ nights, reserved for such occasions.

Royal pundit Nicholas Witchell explained that the Queen would be celebrating the pay rise in the same way as she has for the last 60 years. “Just like anyone who gets a pay rise the first thing she’ll do is go to Argos and buy a fuck off great television. She’ll then get some beers in and order a huge Indian take away, and I mean huge with naan breads, onion bhaji, the whole bloody lot. The entourage will then consume both indefinitely. A bit like bulimia, but without throwing up. As usual I wasn’t  invited but you can rest assured I’ll still be celebrating the majestic finery of the royal windfall at home tonight with a lamb samosa and a crate of red stripe.”

Already known in aristocratic circles as ‘Liz the Blag’, it’s thought that this latest windfall will bring Her Royal Highness extra kudos from her peers. One insider told is “It’s a nice little tickle she’s done there.It’s quite right that she gets the beers and a ruby in.”

Another source confirmed  that at 87 the Queen is still able to manage the odd 72 hour session. “As long as she sticks with medium strength beer and doesn’t start on the scotch, she probably won’t punch anyone” he told us.


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