We must cheer on Andy Murray 24 hours a day through a megaphone

The  British public are going to have to follow Andy Murray around 24 hours a day cheering him on through  megaphones if he is to stand a chance of winning this years Wimbledon tournament according to former British number one Timmy Henman.

“I’m very confident that he can win but only if everyone cheers him on before the matches, after the matches, on his days off and in the middle of the night. We all need to follow him everywhere he goes and really scream our support at him. We also need to bang drums outside his house and shout ‘come on Andy’ through his letter box.  He might lose a bit of sleep but at least he’ll know the nation is behind him.”

Mayor of London Boris Johnson has offered his support to assist Murray whenever possible. “I’ll be phoning him up throughout the night and asking him how he’s sleeping through a megaphone. If I’ve inadvertently woken him up, I’ll cheer him on to go back to sleep. I’m Mayor of London too so I might get some scaffolding erected and cheer him on through a megaphone through his bedroom window.”

Mr Henman has also suggested that the hot water to Mr Murrays’s flat be turned off and that his breakfast cereal is covertly replaced with wood chippings. “It will strengthen his reserve” he told us.

There have been warnings from tennis experts that the plan, whilst sound in theory, may have flaws in practice. A similar Spanish plan of having a brass quartet following Rafael Nadal around playing La Cucaracha, far from guaranteeing his victory has sadly seen him knocked out in the first round.