Prince Harry complains about the media, to the media via the media

Prince Harry

Prince Harry has voiced his distaste of the media, to the media, in the hope that they will tell other people in the media, in a press conference in Afghanistan organised by the Prince himself.

Posing for photos this morning, the ginger Royal expressed his dislike of press conferences and having his photo taken. “It’s bloody awful being a Prince. I can’t even go for a jog with Usain Bolt without people taking pictures. And if I want to dress up as a half naked nazi and snort cocaine from a prostitutes arse crack, I really should be able to do so without having my name splashed all over the papers. Wait a minute! Where are you all going? I’m a Prince and I haven’t dismissed you yet! Come back!”

The carrot barneted Royal is thought to have never forgiven the press for allegations that rather than Prince Charles, his father is actually Copper headed Royal correspondent Nicholas Witchell. Unlike the Leveson report, Harry had a number of firm recommendations for future regulation of the press. “Obviously I want media attention but only at certain times and they should bloody well write what i tell them. So if I’m naked and off my tits, I need my privacy, but I want them there when I’ve just blown up a Taliban stronghold or saved a kitten.”

The new system is thought to involve a vintage car horn which the First Ginger in Line to the Throne will sound once when he requires media attention and twice when the press are required to go away again. Daily Mail Royal Correspondent Rebecca English expressed her delight at the new way of working. “I like having a car horn sound when it’s time to write a stream of gushing sycophantic pro royal nonsense. When it sounds twice it means I can quickly clock off and avoid accidentally writing an article about one of his bollocks”.

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