Police fail to intervene as Prince Andrew eaten by bears

Armed Officers working within the grounds of Buckingham Palace have been slammed for failing to intervene as Prince Andrew was yesterday attacked, mauled and finally eaten by a pack of marauding bears according to Royal sources.

The news is the latest in a catalogue of incidents which arose as tax payer funded police  failed to stop a tax payer from entering the grounds of tax payer funded Buckingham Palace. Following a publicly subsidised bollocking, Police then came under fire for asking tax payer funded Prince Andrew to identify himself, just in case he was himself an intruding tax payer rather than a very successful benefit claimant.

A spokesman for the Metropolitan Police told us  “He didn’t like being asked who he was at all. In fact he said “Don’t you know who I am?” So the following night when he was being mauled by bears in the palace grounds it seemed to be something the prince had chosen to do in the privacy of his tax payer funded garden,  and we thought we’d better stay out of it. He still wasn’t happy though. He kept shouting “Don’t you bears know who I am?””

A number of wards at St Mary’s Hospital Paddington have been shut to the public in order to treat the jobless father of two and fifth in line to the throne in opulent splendour and maximum security without causing him any inconvenience. Royal correspondent Nicholas Witchell who was allowed in briefly told us “He’s still very cross with everybody who subsidises him. Other than that he’s doing very well for someone who’s been eaten by bears”