Brainwashed couple win right to be married by a cult

A brainwashed couple have won the right to be married by a cult at their main head quarters following a ruling from the supreme court today. Grinning in a scary fashion with huge huge eyes the Bride to be Louisa Hodkin told a packed press conference

“It’s been a long drawn out case, but at last the law finally acknowledges that instead of just worshiping a higher being, we can come together in our belief that we are all merely shells housing our inner thetans, who are descendants of an alien who fell into a volcano. Finally we’ll be able to hang around together outside the houses of people who’ve tried to leave the church of scientology in MPVs with blacked out windows, knowing that we do so as a married couple. I’m soo sooo happy.”

A spokesman for the Church has expressed their delight at the cults new legal recognition.”It’s great that we have equality with other religions and can now perform marriage ceremonies.  There won’t be any gay couples getting married here though. We don’t mean that type of equality.” He chuckled.

“As a result,  it’s quite right to pay the church huge amounts of money to achieve spiritual betterment. What’s even better is that now we’re a proper church, we won’t have to pay any tax and we’ll be effectively subsidised by the British public.” He added

“And don’t believe anything you read in News Toad. The person who writes that has taken drugs, stolen from his childs money box and had homosexual relationships. And he writes his articles on a stolen laptop.” He warned whilst giving everyone a very stern look.