Defend Europe ship forced to defend Libyan Captain

A spokesman for The Defend Europe ship has today defended having a Libyan Captain and crew due to difficulties finding Europeans to man it.

Co-leader Martin Sellner said “To be honest we’re working on a budget and it doesn’t cost nearly as much to hire a Libyan Captain and crew to help us defend Europe’s borders. It does mean us picking up more crew regularly from Libya and dropping them off in Italy or Greece, and then going back to Libya to pick more up. But we leave the logistics of manning the boat to them whilst we concentrate on looking out for boats carrying immigrants.”

Another member of Defend Europe told us that they thought they may actually have already stemmed the flow of migrants. “We just haven’t seen any immigrants. The Captain and crew are keeping a look out and they’ve promised to tell us when they see any so we can get on with shouting at them. But so far they haven’t pointed a single one out.

“It’s not been all bad though because it means we’ve had time on the boat to get to know our far-right associates from different countries in Europe. It’s like a melting pot of cultural diversity. It’s great.”

A spokesman for the English Defence League warned that it may take similar direct action the moment it had finished walking up and down Colchester high street with a can of lager shouting incomprehensibly.