Nigel Farage tripped over and fell into tax haven

United Kingdom Independence Party leader Nigel Fararage assured supporters and well wishers today that he is very much alive and in good health, if a little shaken, after a terrible  accident where he reportedly tripped over and fell into a tax avoidance scheme.

Speaking from his bed at a private hospital the jingoistic politician and former city trader explained “I was walking down the road in a financially compliant manner, confident that I had fully declared all taxable earnings and savings, when I tripped over a cat. I managed to straighten myself up but trod on a discarded banana skin. As luck would have it I managed to keep my footing but someone had left a discarded roller skate on the pavement in front of me. Thankfully I managed to side step it but was unfortunately knocked completely off my feet by a tidal wave of my own duplicity. When I woke up I had a banging headache and I’d avoided paying any tax”

Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne offered his sympathies for Mr Fararage following his mishap but refused to offer his full support “We realise Mr Fararage is recovering from an accident but we need to be seen to pretend to look disapprovingly on tax evasion without actually punishing it or changing the law. So I’m going to harrumph a bit and make some seemingly less than impressed noises”.

Mr Fararage has vowed that this setback will not deter him in his mission to clean up politics and corporate business affairs. “I’m still going to make it my mission to expose  politicians, millionaires and successful companies who evade tax.  Unless it all happened because they fell over. Like I did.”