Unemployed bloke still banging on about chemtrails


An unemployed white man with dreadlocks is still banging on about chemtrails, emboldened by the lack of evidence for them.

Tarquin Moonbeam of Amersham, Buckinghamshire, came into the spotlight having broken two world records. One for talking about the same thing constantly for nigh on 20 years and the other for making a single pint of cider last all that time whilst waiting for someone to buy him another one.

One fellow drinker at The Iron Horse, Mr Moonbeam’s local, said he’d pressed Mr Moonbeam for a single scrap of evidence but had been told because of a chemical added to the chemtrails by MI6,  “there is evidence but we can’t see it.”

“They don’t just affect the weather. They affect your thoughts as well. That’s why everyone else is blind to them. I’m the only one who’s worked it out. I’m somehow immune to them.” Mr Moonbeam explained.

“Governments, pilots, airline crew, engineers, people who work for fuel companies, they’re all keeping quiet about it. And they’re trying to shut me up as well. I know they are. They must be. I’m just waiting for them to pounce. I know to much.” He added

“Some are being sprayed by the Government to make people want to stay in Europe. But some members of the Government want us to leave. And they’re spraying chem trails as well. That’s why some people want to leave the EU and some people don’t.

“And that’s why I only take recreational drugs that have been delivered to Britain by boat. And I refuse to read any letters that have been transported by airmail” He concluded..

Mr Moonbeam recently hit the headlines by claiming that the weather was being engineered by fumes from mobility scooters. “All the old people are in on it. They keep trying to run me over because I know too much” He told us.

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