Currys roll out device that can detect horse meat

Electrical retail giant Currys have confirmed that as of tomorrow it will be selling a hand held device that can detect horse meat in processed foods and take-aways by merely pointing it at the foodstuff in question. Originally meant only for use by the Government’s new food crime unit, the battery powered instrument will be available to the general public for £39.95 and is predicted to sell out within it’s first few hours on the shelves.

A spokesman for Currys told us “The device works on the basis that all food products derived from animals still has a karmic aura which in turn releases electrobots. These are then detected and analysed by specially calibrated tri-magnetic receptors. Should any food product then be found to contain horse or pony, the machine will either emit a galloping sound or a ‘neigh’ depending on the ratio of horse meat to the meat labelled on the packaging.”

Currys are the first to admit that the device is limited as it can only detect horse meat, but already the race is on amongst scientists to produce a device that detects other animals.

Indeed, in a recent interview with New Scientist Professor Brian Cox explained “Horse has a denser electro-karmic aura than most animals, but with technology improving all the time its thought that more powerful devices will be able to spot any animal in some food that shouldn’t be there. A future machine will then let the user know what forms of meat are present by emitting the sound that the creature would have made were it still alive.”

An android app claiming to spot lard disguised in tofu has been widely discredited.