“I’m not bothered if people are gay or not” God tells Catholics

In a further blow to Catholic church synod members who today voted against the Pope in his proposals for wider acceptance of gay people, God has gone on record in a rare statement to say that he’s not actually that bothered if people are gay or not.

Speaking at a hastily assembled press conference the Lord Almighty explained “I’m pretty fond of everyone. After all, the whole thing’s downs to me anyway and  If I had a problem with gay people then I wouldn’t keep making them. I wouldn’t trust that book of Leviticus anyway. He even says I’m anti-shellfish.  Which is bollocks because on occasions that I take human form and pop out for a bite to eat my favourite food is moules marinière.”

However the Father Son and Holy Ghost admitted that even he couldn’t put his hands on his heart and say he found everyone equal all the time.

“The truth be told I do have a bit of a dislike towards caravanners. Nothing to do with the people themselves, just the fact that on already busy roads they take up twice as much space and move too slowly. See unlike gay people, I don’t actually make them like that, they choose their own caravanny path. Having said that, I might roll my eyes back in my head a bit but I wouldn’t send anyone to hell for it.”

However one more conservative cardinal we spoke to  who told us that he would carry on telling those of a different sexual persuasion that they would be damned for eternity in brimstone and hell fire.

“It’s all about translating what he means. By loving our fellow man we’re pretty sure he means taking a vow of unnecessary abstinence followed by highly inappropriate and suspect behaviour when we can’t keep the whole celibate thing up. He’s not meant to be taken literally.” He explained.