“We just like punching people in the back” admit chiropractors

A spokesman for the British Chiropractic Association has gone on record to say “It’s all bollocks. It doesn’t do anything. We just like punching people in the back.”

“You have to see it from our point of view. We tell you people that we can cure your back pain by punching you in the back and in return for doing so you must give us money. Then we tell you that if you give us more money we can cure all known diseases by a process called subluxation which basically involves punching you in the back. Sometimes we send you off to get an x-ray and when you’ve had one, we punch you in the back.  Despite a swathe of scientific contraindications and the fact that you’re still ill and your back still hurts, you keep giving us money for beating you up. It’s your fault for encouraging us.”

However, one patient we spoke to insisted that despite these revelations he would continue to pay for a regular back thumping. “There’s things so called doctors don’t want you to know about. Last time I had a cold I couldn’t get the Doctor to give me antibiotics so I took it upon myself to go to a chiropractor. Unlike the Doctor he didn’t just tell me I would be better in a few days. He listened sympathetically whilst I explained my symptoms such as sneezing, a runny nose and a sore throat and as soon as he’d taken £200 off my debit card he set about punching me in the back. A week later my cold was better and a week after that my back stopped hurting. It’s ridiculous that this isn’t available on the National health.”

Celebrity sceptic Simon Singh told us “I’m obviously glad that the British Chiropractic Association have come clean about the whole punching in the back thing. Everybody knows the only way you can cure all ailments is by kicking people in the nuts.”