Public relief as police start charging hipsters


Prolific hipster Anjem Choudary has appeared at Westminster Magistrates Court today in what is expected to be a long awaited crackdown on hipsters and hipster-like activity.

The arrest of Mr Choudary and some of his hipster associates is thought to have coincided with a video showing him telling his audience to shun supermarket breakfast cereals and instead eat in trendy London cereal cafés which import all their cereals from America.

Following this it’s thought that the Metropolitan Police arranged a sting whereby they lured Mr Choudary in by way of a block of wood with three small glasses of different beer on it.

However, when asked by the judge to give an indication of how he would be pleading, an unrepentant Choudary said: “Cameron and the police are guilty. Of riding normal bicycles and drinking non-craft beers.”

Whilst clearly prepared to be incarcerated for his beliefs Choudary has already demanded that his choice of lifestyle should single him out for bespoke treatment. Drinking speciality tea from a 1950s flask he told us:

“They’ll have to send me to an artisan prison.”

“Either an old Victorian prison that’s been extensively modernised or a brand new one with post-ironic retro decor.” He added.


  1. He could make shabby -chic cabinets in the woodwork shop.

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